I have threatened to do this in my own head for quite some time now. I think that now is a good time to just plunge head-first. What am I talking about?
For about 3 or 4 years, people from different walks and geographic locations have emailed, called or tied notes to bricks and thrown them through my windows asking me to give a short list of what I believe in, and what issues I think are just silly.
After my last few chats with some close friends, I have decided to go ahead and run with it.
So, here, for your viewing pleasure, are a few things that run through my mind on a fairly regular basis.
1. Global warming apparently not only has the power to change the weather, but to change physics as well. If we humans melt the ice caps, Al Gore tells us that sea levels will rise and those on the coasts will drown. This is excellent marketing. But it is bad science. I know you won't trust my word, even if I explain the laws of displacement, the greater volume per mole of ice as opposed to water, and all that. So, just run an experiment for yourself.
- Take a glass from your kitchen.
- Put ice in it.
- Fill it with water.
- Use a dry erase marker to mark where the water is.
- Cover with plastic wrap (to negate evaporation).
- Let the ice melt. (See where we are going with this? Ice = icecap, water = oceans)
- Come back to a glass of cold water, with no ice in it, and note the level of the water.
2. The "Artificial Earth Moon". Okay. I made the mistake of telling someone that I thought a video on their MySpace page was hilarious. It was talking about the theory that the Moon of Earth is fake, possibly hollow, has cities and towers on it, and that Nasa is covering it up. I then realized that the video was not trying to be funny, it was serious. Okay. Let's just think this one over a bit.
A) the earth is younger than the moon according to decay-rate dating. Examine decay rate dating, and you will find it is not exactly accurate.
B) Yes, there are some pretty amazing things on the surface of the moon. Huge mountains, amazing shapes, even things that look like pyramids and roads!
C) There are also AMAZING shapes in the sky of earth. Dragons, dogs, people, gods, goats, buildings, spaceships, aliens, all in the clouds. In other words, in the same way that our brains seek out familiar shapes in completely random mediums (Rorschach, anyone?) your weak minds seek out familiar shapes in the completely random medium of blurred photographs of distant celestial bodies.
Is it possible that you conspiracy folks are unaware of the conditions on the moon? You do not know what factors of environment and space affect the surface of a planet or celestial body other than Earth. Maybe instead of spending time talking and listening to a bunch of people who believe what you believe, you should Google, talk and listen to people who DON'T believe what you believe. Actually listen. Don't argue, listen. You may be amazed at what you hear.
3. The Mars Trees. Yes. You read that right. There are pictures recently from Mars that appear to be of trees, entire forests, actually. This is also included in the aforementioned MySpace video. A quick chat with a couple of astronomers, and a few articles later, I found that not only are these not trees, they are even more interesting. (frozen gas ERUPTING from below the surface of Mars as the planet changes seasons!) This is my point: The natural explanation for these faces, roads, buildings and trees that you see is more likely than not going to be much more interesting, much more logical, and much easier to understand than "Some alien race of superbeings". If you still opt for the alien theory, you need to seek some counseling. And medication.
4. The 9/11 conspiracy. If you are now or have in the past seen the film "Loose Change" on YouTube, if you are now or have in the past actually believed that the world trade center was brought down by demolitions experts hired by wealthy Jews, if you now or have in the past actually believe that George Bush allowed these attacks to happen for personal gain, you are a moron. Let me just point this one little thing out to you, before we move on. Dylan Avery, he of Loose Change fame, is alive and well as I write this. He says that GWB killed about 3,000 Americans in the WTC attacks. If his theory is true, if the government is wiling to kill so many just to start a little war, why is Dylan still sucking oxygen? If George Bush (whom you liberals think is an idiot) can orchestrate a vast attack and coverup, just to start a war, then I am sure he can arrange for Dylan to have an "accident". If you still believe this crap, google Popular Mechanics' article on 9/11, maybe even try the National Institute of Standards and Technology investigation. It's pretty enlightening, and should shut you up for good.
5. Barack Obama's Eloquence. This makes me laugh out loud. I am sick to death of hearing from other folks how great a public speaker Barack is, how eloquent, how amazing. The man is a stuttering, muttering, absent minded idiot. He is not intelligent. His tone and vocal control as a public speaker are laughable. He only recites memorized sound bites. You want proof? Listen to any reasonably long answer or statement made by Barry. Every time you hear him "Uhhh" and "Umm" and "that is" you are actually hearing a brain at work. That brain is trying to move from one memorized speaking point to the next... and as the ideas contained in that brain are nonsense and do not connect, the brain is unable to form words like "and", "therefore", "because of" and the like. What you are hearing is the mental equivalent of a transmission slipping gears.
So there it is. 5 little pieces of my mind. I am sure I could sit here and pour out more and more stuff, but I have a life and work to get back to. My alien overlords demand it.
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